CollegeBlows.com:Enemy of the Academic: Paper Due @ 8:30am

Enemy of the Academic

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Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Paper Due @ 8:30am

Posted at 5:12 PM
By: Brian [link]
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I'm working on no sleep right now, but I finished my english paper on time. Thats right, by 8:30am I had finally accomplished the night's feat -- pretending I actually read about 4 books, and comparing them all in a veritable orgy of literary scholarship. It was like caligula I tell you.

The all-nighter, as it is commonly referred to as, is one of collegedom's shittiest traditions. Its the black-sheep, red-haired. third-cousin of the "drink-all-nighter, " which is one of collegedom's most entertaining traditions. True, it comes from the same family of traditions as the "crazy-frat-theme-party" and going ape shit after football victories. The real question is, how did that family of traditons beget such a freakin' weirdo?

It all started on a wednesday, when a professor at a midwestern bible-college assigned a massive research project for his class, due the day after spring break. This assignment then got spring break drunk and mated with it, the result was a poorly written paper -- and a bad grade, but the story doesn't end there. You see, that poorly written paper snuck out one night and raped a much shorter paper. The child of that rape became the "All-nighter."

Its sordid history wouldn't stop the young go-getter from clawing its way to the top, soon becoming one of the best known traditions on campuses everywhere. It was a long road, but the All-nighter stole a Ferrari and covered it in no-time.