tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50648352024-02-28T09:19:55.713-05:00Enemy of the AcademicI Hate College. College blows, and this blog serves the people of this great nation by making fun of everything that happens within these "vaunted" halls.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comBlogger439125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1131958394004266372005-11-14T03:51:00.000-05:002005-11-14T03:53:21.626-05:00RELAUNCH?I'm still deciding if CollegeBlows is dead or alive. If posts magically start appearing in a few weeks, then its not dead. Otherwise, read the archives, because that's all you'll get.Comment on whether you want more or not.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1127889875110846222005-09-28T02:43:00.000-04:002005-09-30T01:55:47.176-04:00Want an Update???It's been a while, you want an update and I haven't been providing them. I've been busy, and midterms are upon us over here. So I'll make you a deal, EMAIL ME your bright ideas, thoughts, whatever, and I will make an update out of it. I PROMISE.Send it to me at Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com, and the next thing you know, WHAM! Update.---One per customer is guaranteed, more if I REALLY like your emailsBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1126681027027844162005-09-14T01:02:00.000-04:002005-09-14T03:17:59.810-04:00Walter MatthauI've gotten to the point where I should probably be thinking about what I'm going to do after I graduate. The problem is, I don't think I can really stand to contemplate my future any further than the age-old question, "should I start with beer or liquor tonight?" An important question for sure, it might not be life changing, but a mis-execution could ruin an entire weekend and result in numerousBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1125986883905135522005-09-06T01:04:00.000-04:002005-09-08T02:37:34.393-04:00Welcome Back to SchoolFall begins now. For everyone, even those one-time Tulane students. Everyone is back in school at this point. Freshmen are going to classes, and kickstarting the long process that will eventually lead to complete liver shutdown. Seniors are busy wishing they were freshmen, and settling for trolling their elective classes for hot freshmen.So here it is, the three-pronged advice for College SeniorsBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1125467424323460432005-08-31T01:49:00.000-04:002005-08-31T01:53:17.646-04:00Fuck itAfter three years of doing this blog, maybe its time to quit. Leave me a comment: Why should I keep going? If I stop, what should become of CollegeBlows.com (should I sell it to a porn site)?If you all clap hard enough, maybe I'll be back after Labor Day.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1124694191897972232005-08-22T02:26:00.000-04:002005-08-22T03:03:11.906-04:00I actually WATCHED GigliIt's pronounced G-Lee, but spelled like jiggly, and its not as good as either of them. A couple years ago, Gigli was the big joke, the horrible horrible bomb that thankfully put an end to Jennifer "J-Lo" Lopez's acting career. Lets be honest, music video is probably a much better format for her. Its three-minutes or less -- just enough time to beat it -- and she can shake her ass for no apparent Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1124084933087801952005-08-15T01:30:00.000-04:002005-08-15T01:48:53.093-04:00ChessThe other day my building in the city was hosting a children's chess tournament to encourage school kids to play chess. Somehow I think having the rook shoved up you ass in the locker room and not a lack of "awareness" is the culprit for the lack of young chess players these days, but who am I to ponder that, I guess.Anyway, so for most of the day these kids who seemed to range from 6th grade to Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1123533649842918542005-08-08T16:40:00.000-04:002005-08-09T02:51:55.903-04:00Elevator EtiquetteLately I've found myself in quite a few elevators and I've noticed that there seem to be a couple of unspoken rules. As with all unspoken rules, one idiot always talks about them -- or even writes them down. Today, that idiot is me.The rules:1) When waiting for an elevator, it is common courtesy to spread out as far as possible within the "elevator lobby" area. This prevents the uncomfortable Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1123132999647278502005-08-04T01:22:00.000-04:002005-08-04T02:27:13.776-04:00People I HateI'm sure I've done this before in some form, but whatever, call it an update, ok?No matter what time of year it is, there is always a strong possibility that someone out there is busy doing something that pisses me off. I don't know what it is, maybe they put something in the water, like crack. I don't drink water, ever, so I'll probably never find out. Nonetheless, here's a short list of people Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1122923877310618642005-08-01T15:14:00.000-04:002005-08-01T15:17:57.316-04:00Now Shut Up.Like many men, I'm a sports fan. In today's society, sports are acceptable viewing for males while "So You Think You Can Dance?" is definitely not. The problem is, I don't really know why I like to watch sports.So, I'll explore the issue further.Nowadays sports are ingrained in our culture, we watch sports because our fathers watched sports, and their fathers before them and so on. Our motivationBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1122264713726616702005-07-25T00:09:00.000-04:002005-07-25T00:11:53.730-04:00Work and Dumb ShitPosting is going to be really sparse or nonexistant for the next week or two. I'm pretty busy. I'm not disappearing, I'm on hiatus. School isn't even in session, there's only so much I can say about commuting.Thanks.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1121830591245808622005-07-19T23:34:00.000-04:002005-07-20T11:29:27.516-04:00Trains Planes and AutomobilesTrains are a great way to travel. They make lots of fun noises that you can listen to, and at rush hour, you can always get up-close and personal with a new friend (who happens to smell worse than a homeless man who sleeps in the dumpster of a fish restaurant in August). Basically, train-time is the best time of your life.The only thing better is the train station itself. Built in 1960, it looks Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1121661961888073762005-07-18T00:45:00.000-04:002005-07-18T02:20:42.696-04:00The GrindI spent the weekend in bed.Sadly though, there wasn't anyone else in my bed to keep me from sleeping the whole time. I probably needed it, alcohol poisoning and long work hours can take a lot out of you. So I've been told. Then again, Mickey Mantle had pretty good hustle for a man with the same amount of functioning liver cells as Terri Schiavo's brain cells.So anyway, tomorrow I get up early yetBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1121137135491570222005-07-15T00:09:00.000-04:002005-07-14T23:23:28.750-04:00Back on MondayThere will definitely be an update on monday.Got Busy... back in a couple days. Entertain yourselves by spamming the comments while I'm gone.---As always, please click on some of my links before you get out of here.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1120797197264396992005-07-08T00:07:00.000-04:002005-07-08T00:33:17.270-04:00Productivity = -100%A number of things usually result from working during the summer months. Inevitably, the whole thing will eventually wear you down -- changing your sleep patterns from the college setting, straight over to Real World is a rough transition. Gone are the wednesdays where you have the luxury of sleeping till 3pm to avoid dealing with the hangover. No longer does the week consist of 15 hours of Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1120579874295371472005-07-06T00:10:00.000-04:002005-07-06T00:54:37.326-04:00The FacebookOnce upon a time, college students had no easy way to stalk one another. If you wanted to know who the hot chick from Philosophy was, you'd actually have to go to class. This was a dark and sad age, and so college invented the face book to help assist students in their endeavors. Now the horny young students could spend time staring at their classmates in an unholy fashion without leaving the Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1120104599579446832005-06-30T00:08:00.000-04:002005-06-30T01:33:47.126-04:00If Your name is Tom Cruise...Hey, if you're name is Tom Cruise, its time that somebody filled you in: "we want you to shut up." As someone from the English speaking world, I can honestly speak for the rest of us when I say, that I wish you would stop speaking english. In fact, as a member of the global community that is forced to listen to your bullcrap, I have a few demands from all of us.1) You do not know it all. Please Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1119937640821256982005-06-28T01:45:00.000-04:002005-06-28T02:21:24.860-04:00I Still Hate WorkingSummer employment is the worst sort of employment. For those of you in my situation please feel free to agree with me.Companies worry about employee morale. They can't abuse their full-time workers, if they do, they get a high turn-over rate, and then everyone thinks they're pricks. Well, they probably are anyway. Even year-round part-timers are of concern to most corporations, as far as Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1119588432950729652005-06-24T00:46:00.000-04:002005-06-24T01:19:15.950-04:00Total Request LiveI remember when TRL was the hip show to watch on MTV. Then Carson Daly went to NBC and then disappeared, I assumed that nobody watched that heaving pile of crap.At this point, I should inform the audience that I am currently interning for MTV Networks. I'm with the Comedy Central Division thoughSo, yeah, until this summer started, I was sure that TRL couldn't possibly exist anymore. Then I Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1119414880839429272005-06-22T00:03:00.000-04:002005-06-22T00:34:40.846-04:00CommutingThe greatest indignity of working is that after waking up hours before what your brain says is healthy, you need to do something that we all endearingly refer to as commuting. Its a nice way of referring to the ant-march of death that we all have to take part in to get to our respective places of business, or at least slacking-off for the next eight hours or so.There are a ton of ways to travel Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1118377988458871612005-06-19T23:31:00.000-04:002005-06-20T01:04:53.386-04:00Father's Day Outside of Christmas and the various alcohol-related holidays, I'm not really a fan of the holiday concept. I mean, I appreciate the days-off afforded by such things as "President's Day," and the chance to blow shit up afforded by the Fourth of July, but for Father's Day, and other people's birthdays, I don't see the value.For a day like Father's day, I am required to purchase gifts and cards Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1118978906931341572005-06-16T23:18:00.000-04:002005-06-17T00:36:12.023-04:00Ask Blogger Where my Post wentWhat the fuck? I had a whole fucking thing written up, then blogger asked me to log in again, and now the whole post is deleted. Great.Fuck everyone. If you want to know why there's nothing new to read here, go to Blogger.com and ask those turdburglars why their site blows.---As always, please click on some of my links before you get out of here.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1118808450519553892005-06-15T00:07:00.000-04:002005-06-15T00:07:30.550-04:00Most People vs. Michael JacksonSince the recent CourtTV extravaganza known as the Michael Jackson trial has brought the pure weirdness of the formerly-popular singer to the public's attention, I thought I'd do a short rundown of what normal people do, compared to how Michael Jackson acts. So here we go:Normal People: Minor cosmetic surgery to enhance breasts, flatten wrinkles or de-fat asses.Michael Jackson: Starts out black, Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1118637189126983152005-06-13T00:21:00.000-04:002005-06-13T01:55:40.516-04:00Money Money Money Money... MOOOOONNNEEYYYI work in a bank. That's right, in addition to spending two days a week slaving as an intern, I am spending the rest of my week slaving as a bank teller. It pays better than McDonalds, but it still manages to suck the life out of me like one of those super-vampires from the Blade movies (which kicked ass in that cheesy sort of way). I'm learning all of the tricks of the trade, counting money Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064835.post-1118205299724574422005-06-08T00:34:00.000-04:002005-06-08T00:34:59.766-04:00EstrogenThis summer I am working in a bank. Bank tellers, I learned are largely female. This makes for an interesting work environment. I was forced to listen to a whole bunch of female whining about how awful men are today.Apparently we're pretty bad. I have to admit though, the woman whose husband told her she "doesn't take care of herself the way she used to," was just asking for it. He was right, butBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04003424340604059376noreply@blogger.com