The sudden whipping movement. The sound effect. The guys blatantly laughing in your face. All of these are the warning signs that you might be whipped, but are your friends just having a little fun with you, or have you really joined the emasculated ranks of he-bitches?

I've decided to throw together a little guidance for men who might be questioning themselves on this issue. Enough soul searching already -- jeeze, it was that kind of emotional blubbering that got you into this mess. Just take this quick quiz, which just happens to be 3000% more manly than those damned Cosmo quizzes that "she" is always yammering about.

Give yourself one "point" for a yes to any of these:

Question the first:Did you ever buy her flowers "just because"?

Question Number 2:Have you ever done any of the following:

-Made her bed when you DIDN'T sleep in it? or near it?
-Given her a massage that didn't involve mutual nudity?
-Ever rushed to her aide over some stupid chick problem?
-Allowed her to talk during football or other sports?

Question C:Have you ever worried that you were leaving her unsatisfied in bed, AND that concern was not based in the possibility of her "stories" giving you a bad reputation?

Question IV:When you told her to "bake me a pie," you ended up baking your own pie, and one for her and her friend to eat while making fun of your sexual prowess. Also, you ran to the store to buy them some Ben & Jerry's

Question Seis:You watched Will and Grace during the Super Bowl because she doesn't like sports.

Question 7:You're wearing a skirt right now, aren't you?

Question:Check your wallet. Is there any money in there? If not... are you homeless? The answer is yes if you aren't, and no if you are.

The Last, Final, Mack-daddy Question:Do you have a nickname for or from your girlfriend that is anything other than, Killer, Thrasher, or 30-Pack?

Now, add up all of your "points" and if your score is 1 or higher, you're probably whipped, you fucking pansy. Go home and cry to mommy, loser. Also, if you answered HELL NO, to all of the questions, then you are officially, super-manly and deserve a monument to be built to your testosterone. In fact, if you qualify for super-manliness, maybe you could spare some testosterone for all the poor little whipped dudes out there - perhaps their testicles will finally drop and they will find their pants, wherever they left them.

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As I said yesterday, you can still send in your favorite college drinking stories for the "Drunken December" dealie I am going to attempt to put together. The address is" Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com

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