Apparently its snowing back home in the States. Classes were cancelled today for my friends at home, and giant snow-genitals are being erected (note the unintentional pun) all over the northeast United States. Things are as they should be, right? Well, that would be true, except I have to wonder -- why do I have to wake up and drag my ass to class tomorrow?

It never snows when my ass is on the line to wake up and go somewhere. Sometimes this is a good thing, like when I am scheduled to wake up and go to a strip club, or to a monster truck rally (hey, if you don't enjoy watching truck-a-saurus destroying rusted out pieces of junk, then you just aren't an american). Never -- except in rare and profound circumstances -- does it ever snow when I have to drag my ass to classes.

Well, that's a lie. It did back in the day, when I was a kid in grammar school -- I'd have a paper, a test, any time I heard a report or saw a cloud in the winter, really -- I'd pray for snow. You wore your pajamas inside out (which I still do, but now its because I'm too lazy to do my laundry), or sacrificed your pet goldfish, whatever it took to make the precipitation-god be on your side. For me, at the time, he came through in some clutch situations, book reports that weren't done, tests that weren't studied for, miraculously extended.

Problem is that I think I used up my quota. I mean, we all get, 15 or some other likely random number of clutch-snow days, and I think I spent all of mine. Most likely, I'm not the only one of us who has. I mean, as a child you just wanted a mother-approved excuse to skip school. Now you can usually do that any day you like, for any reason. Papers however don't extend themselves, and tests take an act of god to be pushed back just one more day, so that you can watch He-Man and eat Golden Grahams on the couch all day, just like you used to.

In a way, things don't ever seem to change, do they.

Seriously though, I don't think they do snow-days here in Scotland. We had some decent snow-dayable action last week and as far as I know, classes were still on -- not that I went to mine. I only go out in the snow to get food, write my name and/or cuss-words in the snow with piss, or to build manly snow structures.

The best advice I can give to those of you out there in the northeast... remember that you need to snag TWO trays from the cafeteria in order to go sledding. Also - if you get some rope or bungee cord, you can tie it to the back of an SUV and have it pull you and your tray around.

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