Today I would like to talk to you about something that has been bothering me for well over 24 hours now... The men's bathroom trough.

You see, unlike ladies facilities, where a line must form in order to ensure that each woman gets her turn to leisurely grace the porcelain throne with her presence, men's facilities are usually far more spartan. Most public rest rooms still however afford us gents the privacy of our own separate urinals. Although, apparently not all.

On Saturday, as I watched UPenn lose horribly to the Villanova Wildcat football team at Franklin Field in West Philadelphia (where I am told that one Will Smith was born and raised, spending an abundance of his time on the playground), I realized that I had to leave a little liquid reminder of myself in the stadium. This is when I encountered (for the first time), the dreaded trough.

Essentially, you piss on a wall, except, on the ground below it, instead of a dirty hobo, or the sidewalk, there is a ditch that drains into the sewer. Let me repeat... You piss on a wall... next to another dude... in West Philly... with no divider at all... in a crowded football bathroom... literally two feet from another man's penis... with nothing stopping him from looking... or peeing on you. Not the world's most comfortable situation. Its no wonder the Ghetto-Jets (also known as the Eagles) eventually moved out of Franklin Field.

Anyway... All I am saying is... its UPenn, they have a Billion Dollar endowment. Its an Ivy League school, they're supposed to be classy. How about a goddamned urinal? Especially on the Visitor's side... I mean, you'd think we'd be the last people you'd want to encourage to piss on walls around your campus, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

PS: The "Quaker" is a gay mascot.

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