There are a couple of people on this campus and elsewhere who don't seem to be able to comprehend the simple fact that I pretty much, absolutely, completely, despise their very existence. So, today, I am going to tell you all how to know whether or not I hate you.

The first hint that I want you to die as immediately as possible, is that I don't talk to you. You see, the thing about talking is that it occurs in only two situations. Sometimes we talk to others out of necessity, for example, "get the fuck away from me, goat-fucker!" Also, we talk to people that we like, for example, "hey, baby... are you enjoying that beer? Wanna go back to my room and commit sexual acts that will lead to you dropping out of school and me calling you a ho and denying that I am the father?" If I don't talk to you, its probably because I don't have to, and I don't really want to.

Another way to tell that I don't like you, is if I go out of my way to piss you off. Remember when your room was filled with tampons? Remember when it was filled with used tampons that were purchased from dumpster-diving hobos for a half-handle of bourbon? I do, and it was hilarious.

Something else that might tip you off to my plot to perform a post-birth abortion on you, is that I spread vicious rumors around campus about your drunken affairs with farm animals. None of these rumors are of the sort that I can necessarily prove to be true, but I wouldn't put them by you, you skanky-ass goat-fucker...

Now, have a seat, and don't let that stick up your ass get in the way... here is the big one. The one last, final, and ultimate way to tell that I want to watch you have your heart ripped from your chest by an elderly asian man in some strange martial arts practice. If I don't like you... I'll fucking tell you that I don't like you. Here's how it works, you say, "hey brian..." then I respond with, "Goat-fucker! Shut the fuck up and kill yourself already. What part of 'I hate you and your entire family' don't you understand?"

See? Its pretty simple isn't it?

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Brian is proud of his use of profanity in this piece. He hasn't used so many FCC-banned phrases in a long-while. Also, why don't you click some of my links, or leave a comment, or use the email link to send this to a friend?

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