How is Junior year different from Freshman year in college? There are a lot of similarities, not least of all, the fact that they are both years and the fact that they both happen at college. Everything else is about as different as Hyena's and Dingo's. Don't believe me? Ask an Australian.

Difference #1, Juniors get better housing. Freshman year, if you can even remember back that far, most of us were crammed two or somtimes three at a time into rooms the size of a shoebox. Its the kind of conditions that would cause PETA to stage an immediate and stupid protest to free you from. Its just a shame that freshmen aren't monkeys, because PETA doesn't give a shit about people. Also, Monkeys are a lot smarter than freshmen (and they are funny when you teach them to smoke and wear hats). Juniors are upperclassmen though, and upperclassmen have one of two things happen to them, they either get a really sweet dorm/appartment on campus, or the university tells them to go to hell and die, forcing them to move off-campus. Score one for Junior year.

Difference #2, Juniors don't bring as much crap. Freshman move-in took about a week and a half, with each boy bringing his own U-Haul full of assorted crap and each girl bringing five of them. It takes forever, and everyone has about two-thousand thirty seven cubic feet of crap that they didn't need to bring. Did you really need that vacuum? You're room was the biggest shithole in the building, so, yeah, you needed it, but did you use it? Conversely, Juniors rarely bring enough crap, by the junior year, students are so damned tired of packing all their crap, that it generally gets thrown haphazardly into a vehicle of choice and shuttled over to the dorm where it will be discovered that 95% of what was packed contained alcohol. Nonetheless, its a pain in the ass to find people that didn't forget to bring everything. I mean, really, shouldn't SOMEONE older than a sophomore have a working printer? Score one for frosh (because you can steal from them).

Difference #3, Juniors don't have meal plans. Now this is sad. Just because you break free of the confines of the required meal-plan purchase, doesn't mean that you have to drop your plan altogether. There are so many things that are good about the dining hall. Let me explain: Would you rather break shit and steal stuff from your own kitchen, or the dining hall? Can you look at freshman girls wearing outfits their mothers would never approve of in your own kitchen? While both your kitchen and the dining hall may be "all you can eat," the food doesn't cost any more or less in the dining hall whether you eat like a starving puma or a starving supermodel. Score one for frosh year.

Oh shit! Those frosh are winning! Crap!

---
Email me ways to make them lose!

#|