Remember this line when you throw a party in your on-campus apartment, "chicks drink for free, dudes pay us to stand outside and wait for our drunken leftovers." Its a simple yet elegant business model. You see, any self-respecting man has to allow ladies to drink for free. Its not some leftover chivalry bullshit or anything, either.

Let us do some math. You see, the degree of drunkenness of the female (D), is directly proportional to the amount of alcohol that said female consumes (A). So far this is pretty obvious, but we might also learn that "A" is inversely proportional to the cost of said alcohol (C). So:

If C > x, then D < 0
Where x is the female's alcohol budget

As you can see, the virtue of the "ladies drink for free" model, is that the drunkenness of said ladies will be increased. Such increases in women lead to the following desirable effects:

1) Sudden decreases in the levels of bitchiness.

2) Newfound interest in talking to otherwise dull men

3) Sexual attraction to even the most undesirable men

4) Really funny to watch

So, remember the above before you throw your party. It really would be a shame if you priced yourself out of the game. Remember, nobody can compete with free. Your wallet is the key to happiness.

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I'm being dragged to god-awful Pennsylvania for a few days, so another short hiatus might occur. Sorry for the inconvenience, but there might be a Nintendo NES in it for me.

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