Some people are good at getting things done. I just happen to be one of them. So far this summer I have completed a laundry list of tasks that few others could have completed in an entire decade. For example, did you know that I successfully pitched myself as a new talk-show host on late-night network television? Perhaps, you weren't aware that I also waged a guerilla war in the jungles of Guatemala, or saved one thousand Americans from crazed muslim terrorists in the United Arab Emirates.

If you hadn't heard about my exploits, that means that you are probably still sane. Don't worry though, ole Brian hasn't quite started packing his bag for the asylum just yet. You see, while other people are out actually doing the things mentioned above, I've been practicing something somewhat safer, infinitely easier, and almost as satisfying: sleep.

Sleep is something that is rare on a college campus, there is too much alcohol to be consumed, girlfriends to fight with (we all had that roommate, didn't we... what an ass), television to be watched, and "oh shit, was that due tomorrow?!," going on everyday to allow for the average student to get a good night's sleep. Hence, why students ingeniously invented the summer. You see, in the summer, when done right, there is no "morning" portion of the day, from 5am to 2pm, a weary student can find the time to relax, without having to quickly sober up with scalding hot coffee and rush off to classes.

A byproduct of all of this sleep is the sweet illusions of grandeur (not to be confused with the delusions of grandeur, which take place while I am in the shower) that lull away the waking observations of my idleness and unaccomplished summer. Yes, sleep brings us to a dreamland where all of those unfulfilled desires can be real. Geraldo can be dead, and your girlfriend can be a crazy nympho, who never has a headache or a period.

As a sidenote: Pillows are really comfortable. I love them. I fully endorse the whole concept of the pillow.

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