Labor day is when we celebrate the people who do all the shit jobs that we make fun of and are going to college to avoid ever having to do. So this year, I am going to thank the supporting cast of my collegiate career; those special someone's whose shit-work allows me to succeed at being the slovenly, ignorant, bastard that I am.

Thank you Pizza Delivery Guy, you allow my ass to expand to almost infinite volume and increase my ability to take up space by doing all of the exercise involved in getting a pizza and/or other high-calorie consumables for me. Thank you for not taking a crap on my pizza even though the tip I gave you would have been an insult to even an illegal alien.

Thank you Dining Hall Card Swiper, your disdain for working only rivals my own. Even though I used up my alloted "meals" for the day, you let me into the hall to consume quantities of crappy food that few stomach's could muster up the strength to contain.

Thank you Dorm Building Bathroom Cleaner. On Monday mornings you would undo all of the horrible, horrible misdeeds of our weekends. From the overflowings, to the floor-turds, to the stalls coated in a thick layer of some freshman's stomach lining and dinner... you made the bad memories, and smell go away. Thank you.

Thank you Registrar Employee for letting me slide on that late add/drop. Who cares if the class has already been meeting for a week, right? Its not like I would have went to those classes anyway. You understood me, and then used the rule-book for toilet paper, just like I did when we ran out (four guys and a ton of burritos will kill a couple rolls of TP in no-time).

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Do you have anyone you want to thank? Email it to Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com and I'll toss it up.

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