The following things piss me off about all these "super-cool" college kids out there. Since I know that you have nothing better to do than read my angry ramblings, I'll make yet another handy list of things that piss me off:

1) People who wear their polo collars "up": Congratulations, you've found a way to draw attention to how ugly you are. the "up-collar approach" draws my line of sight to what happens to be above your shoulders. You are not good enough to pull that off without making me lose my lunch. Thanks, asshole.

2) Girls who wear extra-long polo shirt "dresses": Usually with their collars "up," these girls fail to realize that instead of looking "super-cool," sexy, or even "college," they simply make themselves look like they forgot to put on pants. I would agree, normally, that pants tend to be overrated... but if you are going to go pants-less, why not complete the ensemble by not wearing a shirt? I know I "ball" like that. (note: I think I somehow referenced basketball there, but since I don't play basketball or understand "street" lingo, I can only assume that I randomly managed to get that one in the right context.

3) The cell-phone guy: Ok, we all get it, you have friends... We understand that, and in fact, we even applaud your efforts in being less than a complete shit-tit towards others. However, I feel the need to point out that your cell phone is not, and will not ever be, a GPS. So stop calling your friends every 5 minutes to get the latest information on their location in relation to yourself. Especially when you have that damned 'Lil Jon song as your ring tone.

4) People who break beer bottles for shits and giggles: Well there, fucktard, your skill at smashing things is beyond that obtainable by a five year old. You should give yourself a big pat on the back. Not only did you create a massively deadly mess that someone drunker than yourself will get injured on, but you've allowed the entire room/hallway/whatever, to smell like stale beer for a week or so. Thanks, really appreciated that one, because, you know how much everyone loves the smell of stale beer. It must be, like, second on the all-time greatest odors list, right after ass.

5) People who take "Work hard, play hard" seriously: Pick one. You might think that you've found the perfect balance, but you fail to realize that nobody likes you. You party all weekend and still carry a 4.0, way to go poindexter! You're still lame. Why, you ask? Well, because while the rest of campus was pre-gaming the party with beer, you pre-gamed by writing a 30-page dissertation on 3rd world economics. Way to make my lazy-ass look bad.

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