Why are we all so damned lazy? I mean as a country, we are all lazy fucks. We even invent simpler names for our holidays because the real ones require too much effort.

Happy "Turkey Day"
Merry "X-Mas"
and eh...
Kwanzaa?

I get it. Its Thanksgiving, we eat turkey, but come on, didn't we learn from our third grade class play that there is so much more to thanksgiving than a horribly dry and massively large bird with bread crumbs stuffed up its ass? I mean, there was that Indian dude -- sorry, I mean Indigenous-native-american-dwelling-person-who-was-forcefully-removed-from-his-land-by-the-white-devils, didn't mean to be politically incorrect -- anyway, there was that guy, Squanto, who helped the Pilgrims to survive and propagate throughout the land, eventually inspiring movies like The Scarlet Letter, and all of those TV shows about hot witches.

Yes, there is far more to the holiday than the Turkey, which as we all learned in Catholic school, died on the cross so that we may eat scrumptious cranberry sauce and butternut squash... or something like that. There is also the proud American traditions associated with this holiday, like wearing hats with buckles on them, and befriending Indians before you jew them out of their own land.

Thats right, I used "jew" to refer to the ripping off of the Native Americans by the Pilgrims. Thats another great American tradition, intolerance. Besides, what do you want me to say, "gypped," like that'd go over any better... those Gypsies get REAL pissed when you start pulling that shit on them, and they've got Johnny Cochran, not one of them Jewish lawyers...

All of this talk about ethnic groups and lawyers reminds me... I'm going to need to hire one.

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Hate mail goes to Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com, but be warned, I don't really hate any ethnic group, and fully intend to make fun of all of them, except Blacks, because they scare me and Mike Tyson is on their team.

Let me reiterate: Hate mail goes to Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com

Erase the Hate [link]

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