Today at noon, I packed up and headed home to New Jersey for the Thanksgiving holiday. When you are away at school for a month or so, a lot of things tend to change at home, for example, we got one of those digital cable dealies - you know, with 800 channels, 100 of which are HBO, and 300 of them are hardcore porn.

The best part of it, though, is that I get a new remote control to play with, with all kinds of new buttons and shit. The remote control is the greatest invention mankind has ever conceived, it requires absolutely no effort to use, in fact if you read the warranty that comes with it, you'll see that you are guaranteed not to burn one single precious calorie from using it.

I like to believe that the religious fervor of the South is based in a lack of remote controls. Think about it... a southern guy, a real redneck, lets call him Cecil, wakes up on a Sunday and turns on the TV to watch some football. Well eventually the game is going to end, and all of a sudden Cecil is going to find himself watching Pat Robertson... He'd be saying shit like, "What the hell is this? Where the fuck is Brett Favre?" at least for a while, then he'd realize that he was trapped... the only way to change the channel is to get off the couch, but he doesn't need a fresh beer just yet, so he keeps watching. Next thing you know, he's gone from screaming about the ref's horrible call on that holding penalty in the 4th quarter, to screaming "Praise Jesus" and sending a check for half of his life savings to some televangelist who promised to sell him a spot in heaven AND get Carolina a spot in the Super Bowl.

Women are more likely to get off their asses to change the channel though, because they are far more directed in their television viewing. Guy's just channel-surf - watch for the sake of watching, women have a game plan - they're going to watch Oprah, then switch over to see Trading Spaces, then there is some movie on Lifetime about how much men suck (and they are ALL about how much men suck), and then after that its either the View (because that Joy Behar is soo witty!) or maybe that show with the homosexual arts and crafts guy ("and why can't YOU be more like him?" - Probably because I don't have a "significant other" who loves to give me blowjobs.)

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The award for best story of recent days goes out to Bradd. He was having lunch in the dining hall with two gay guys, and they were discussing the new Massachusetts law. Well, one of them said (apparently pretty loud), "Now we can have sex AND get married!" in a way that implied "we" as in "us three." So Bradd just replied (also pretty loud), "thats cool guys, but, eh, I was all set already..."

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"Drunken December" continues on Monday, so get your stories in to Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com and let me hear your best, or worst story about getting wasted at college.

Hey, and if you are looking to vent about a bad roommate situation, MyRoommateSucks.com is a great site to tell your story, or read someone else's

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