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Whoah! This Site is Better than Ninja Turtles!

Posted at 12:15 AM
By: Brian [link]
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Well, at least this time I didn't have to beg someone to email me. The following is the next in my unrelenting ratings-grabber, smash hit super-series of emails. that I answer.

From:From: Bryan Miller
Date: Sat, Oct 2003 10:45:19 -0400
To: brian@collegeblows.com
Subject: Yo, can I be on your website?

Can you recognize as a great entrepreneur in college?  I’ll tell you my whole story.  Ok, it all has to do with parking.  Last year, parking was pretty cool.  You could just get by with having an invalid sticker because they just checked to see if you had one not if it were valid.  Also, the lot was not guarded…you could just pull right in.  Well this year, they changed it.  They put a guard at the gates to the parking lot and he checks the parking stickers.  So, since parking stickers are $65/year for commuters, I was too cheap to get it.  Instead, I came up with an idea.  Since all they did is change the color of the stickers, I thought of a great idea.  Why not just scan in the old orange one and use MS Paint or Photoshop to change it to purple?  So, I did.  It worked fine for me so I also sold one to my friend.  I have plans to make a few more and make some easy money.

Bryan

Wow, that email was... wow...

Dear Bryan with a Y,

Please, for the love of god, change your name, so as to no longer have the same name as me. Or, perhaps you would like to kill yourself? That could also work.

As for your entrepreneurship: Is there anyone in your family who inexplicably makes millions of dollars running an italian delicatessen? Does he tip EVERYONE? Or perhaps carry a loaded gun at all times?

What I am getting at is that your "business" is what we like to call "illegal." Even Enron was more honest than you, I mean, they only faked their accounting numbers, you're whole business plan is a crime. I mean, its pretty cool and everything that you beat the system... but even Bill Gates waited until he was a billionaire before he started fucking with people. You can't just go straight to "GO" and collect $2000...

I guess what I am saying is; I hate you, and if you don't give me 50% of your profit, I am going to report your ass to the authorities. If you don't comply, my uncle Guido will stop by for a "friendly visit" to conduct some "business"... capisce?

Love,
Brian.

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My high school was run by a group of christian brothers. Today at dinner, someone asked me how old they were. My reply went as follows:

"Well, they ranged from Brother Dan, who was in his 30s, to... uh... dead."

Then everyone laughed. I don't get it either.

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If you want your email answered in Monday's update then please send it to Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com. You can send anything you want, and if I use your email (a very good chance), I will also link your website, if you have one.

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