Enemy of the Academic
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005  

Walter Matthau

Posted at 1:02 AM
By: Brian [link]
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I've gotten to the point where I should probably be thinking about what I'm going to do after I graduate. The problem is, I don't think I can really stand to contemplate my future any further than the age-old question, "should I start with beer or liquor tonight?" An important question for sure, it might not be life changing, but a mis-execution could ruin an entire weekend and result in numerous "party fouls."

Nonetheless, people I know are acting strange about the whole "career" thing, visiting professors, going to resume-review sessions and mock interviews. Like little ants rushing off to find a giant crumb to carry back to their hole. "MMMmmm, delicious crumb..." they would say, but would they mean it? The crumb would be dry, and hardly satisfying -- they would cry tiny ant-tears before going back to digging at the request of their queen (women can be a bitch about getting work done around the house).

I just want to be the kid with the giant magnifying glass, taking a few minutes to focus a powerful beam of light down upon the puny little fuckers just to watch them die horrible deaths. "Oh you want to be a news anchor?" I would say to them, "Its a shame you're too ugly to be on the air."

"An accountant, sounds great, perks must be great, I hear that the visor and adding machine are provided for you these days."

"Writer! Awesome. Hey, weren't you in my freshman English class?"
"Yes," they would reply.
"You wrote that story about the teenager coming of age, right?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Too bad that sucked. Oh well, good luck being a hobo."

All the while, I'm heading toward an amazing career in couch-sitting myself. Oh well, at least I feel better.

I think I'll start with some Jack Daniels.

As always, please click on some of my links before you get out of here. Sorry about the spotty updates, but my car is non-existent, among other problems, so, deal with it. If you're reading this, I probably know you anyway.

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