I'm sure I've done this before in some form, but whatever, call it an update, ok?

No matter what time of year it is, there is always a strong possibility that someone out there is busy doing something that pisses me off. I don't know what it is, maybe they put something in the water, like crack. I don't drink water, ever, so I'll probably never find out. Nonetheless, here's a short list of people who have made my hatred for them apparent lately.

1) Old People - I guess its obvious, we all hate old people. Why? Well, they're usually not much to look at, and they're not dead yet. They usually don't inspire the sort of total despisement that I am speaking of however, I mean they are good for somethings, like giving us money, and generating a market for creamed corn (creamed anything really). Nonetheless, the other day some old dude cut me in line at CVS when I was trying to buy some deodorant -- literally I was buying one item with cash, and this dude wants to cut in front of me to give a 20-minute speech to the cashier about why he should be able to return a half-used vat of Vicks Vap-o-Rub, because his it didn't cure his hemorrhoids (which isn't even close to the recommended use for Vap-o-rub, although, I guess you have a right to slather whatever you want all over your ass).

He was definitely the "kids these days have no respect" type of crotchety old fuck too. I wanted to take his vat of Vap-o-rub and beat him over the head with it until the organ donor section of his driver's license became an active concern.

2) Dancers - Ok, while shit like the "so you think you can dance," and anyone who thinks they should get paid to wiggle around on a stage does annoy me, that's not what I'm talking about. When I say dancers, I'm referring to people who can't help but dance while listening to music.

"This song as an infectious rhythm though," you say.

WHAT! Ok, if you've come down with a case of the rhythm, maybe you should stay home or something, you don't want other people catching that do you? Especially since it makes you look like an idiot.

Here's a helpful life lesson: Just because you have an iPod and Jay-Z's farewell album, that does not give you an excuse to openly dance at a street corner while waiting for the light to change. It's 57th street, not a dance club, nobody is impressed. I know someone told you to "let the rhythm take you," but they forgot to specify where, so I'll fill in the rest:

Let the rhythm take you to your garage with the door closed and the car running.

That sounds so much better to me.

More to come...

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