It's pronounced G-Lee, but spelled like jiggly, and its not as good as either of them. A couple years ago, Gigli was the big joke, the horrible horrible bomb that thankfully put an end to Jennifer "J-Lo" Lopez's acting career. Lets be honest, music video is probably a much better format for her. Its three-minutes or less -- just enough time to beat it -- and she can shake her ass for no apparent reason. No plot, no motivation, no awkward on-screen lovemaking with Ben Affleck.

Today I was bored and Gigli was on. There really wasn't much else better to watch. Besides, there was a retard and some lesbians, what the hell could be so bad, I thought.

Then I realized the problem: The whole plot essentially plays out in five to ten minutes. The rest of the film is pure filler, 120 minutes of heart-to-heart bullshit and bad acting between Ben and Jennifer. This all boiled down to J-Lo trying her hardest to look like someone who Ben Affleck might want to have sex with, while Ben Affleck tries his hardest to look like someone who didn't bang a herpes-laden Canadian prostitute the night before shooting. He has the constant look of, "why won't it stop itching?" on his face during the movie.

Umn... so, I guess I should boil this down to a star-based rating. So, on a scale from one star to five stars, I give Gigli... a black hole.

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Back to normal this week sometime.

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