Outside of Christmas and the various alcohol-related holidays, I'm not really a fan of the holiday concept. I mean, I appreciate the days-off afforded by such things as "President's Day," and the chance to blow shit up afforded by the Fourth of July, but for Father's Day, and other people's birthdays, I don't see the value.

For a day like Father's day, I am required to purchase gifts and cards for someone other than myself, the beer and liquor consumption is kept to an uncomfortable minimum, and I don't even get an extra day off of work. All of this for what? For the celebration of our fathers getting laid 21 (in my case) years ago. Now, if it weren't a case of them getting ass 20 or more years in the past, and was instead a celebration of them enduring some horrible hardship, maybe I'd believe in it a little more. Instead though, we go to all this trouble to commend our fathers for doing something they would anyway.

I'll cut the men who impregnate the Delta Burke and Roseanne Barr's of the universe a little slack on the Father's Day hatred, however, that's a hardship. Being forced to use their imaginations, and to... god forbid... search the many fleshy folds of their wives' obese body to find the one that would eventually result in a a calf being birthed.

So, I guess, my point is, instead of celebrating men who impregnate women in their prime, Father's Day should be a holiday to celebrate the sexual casualties of the world, forced to sleep with women who look more like Shamu than Britney Spears.

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