The greatest indignity of working is that after waking up hours before what your brain says is healthy, you need to do something that we all endearingly refer to as commuting. Its a nice way of referring to the ant-march of death that we all have to take part in to get to our respective places of business, or at least slacking-off for the next eight hours or so.

There are a ton of ways to travel to work. A lot of people drive, the driving commute presents a number of problems though. The most important of these is that nobody is awake, and everyone is completely willing to kill you in order to get to their desk by nine.

My favorite commuting method, however, is to take the train. Cramming in next to people you don't know in a tin-can that randomly loses power and stops, thereby ensuring that you are never on time. It's just my luck, also, that just about every time I get a seat to myself on the train, some fat bitch manages to attempt to squeeze her titanic ass into the seat next to me, and proceed to read her reassuring self-help book. Doctor Phil isn't going to make you a better person, Weight Watchers would help, but maybe you could start by not scarfing down that family-pack of Pop-Tarts. Just a suggestion.

Other train annoyances include the guy who doesn't understand the concept of an "inside voice," forcing the whole train to listen to him discuss his Boston Creme donut. Then there is the "business-guy," who takes calls on his cell-phone non-stop, trying his hardest to work some sort of a deal, he isn't, nobody buys or sells anything at 7:30 in the morning. Ever. He's talking to his wife about the deck-guy.

Lets not forget the 40 year old guy who hits on the young girls on the train. He always manages to find a girl half his age with no interest in him, and sits next to her, whether she wants it or not. Then he strikes up a conversation with her about something creepy as hell, and he thinks that he might actually get some. Good move man, maybe you can sleep over her parent's house.

Coming eventually: Part II - The Perfect Commute.

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