It took 12 hours and ten degrees on the Fahrenheit scale, but I'm back in the USA. Exams are over or almost over for pretty much everyone. The comforts of campus are gone for 3 months or so, and you probably have to get a job. Now you have to deal with summer, yet another sampling of that "real world" everyone insists is awaiting you when you get done with school.

Here's what is going to happen to you this summer:

1) You're going to go to a backyard party. There will be Corona, a volleyball net, and a vain attempt to ward away mosquitos using flaming torches that are placed ten yards apart, providing a well lit backyard, and a good excuse to scratch yourself till you bleed.

2) You'll go to the beach. Maybe you'll get sunburned, maybe you'll eat some funnel cake, or something else deadly. You'll try to strike up a conversation with some of the sunbathing women, but they'll kindly remind you that they're too good for you. Later you'll discover that tequila shots undress women much quicker when all they are wearing is a bikini.

3) You're going to work from nine to five. Your boss is probably going to piss on you left and right, and if you pick jobs like I do, then you can take that literally. If you thought the Jones' backyard Luau Lollapalooza was as bad as the real world gets, welcome to waking up before noon.

4) You will discover that your friends from high school are in fact still alive. One of them is engaged. They're all weird as fuck now, but on the plus side, you still think that making the "whip noise" is funny. You will proceed to wear the fucking hell out of it.

Thats pretty much everyone's summer in a nutshell. Remember that in the summer, you don't need a excuse to drown your sorrows in hard-liquor heavy "tropical" drinks.

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As always, please click on some of my links before you get out of here.

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