We've all been on a public forum on the internet at some point. Some place where you can see things written by others and reply to them. Most of the time, such replies are done with good intentions, but other times you just feel the need to call the other person a cock-munching turdlicker. This is an acceptable and traditional way to partake in the finer points of the internet, but there are some rules you must observe while doing so.

First of all, never make an insult if it leaves you open for a counter attack. Nobody likes to be insulted. So, don't leave yourself wide open. Don't respond to the guy who wants to legally beat the fucking hell out of his bratty kids (who probably deserve it) by talking about how much you love kids, you skeevy pedophile. You only leave yourself without any pepper-spray during the raping of the century.

Second of all, always pick your fights against someone who is obviously still in Junior High school. Younger people are stupid, and stupid people can't think right. If you learned anything in Elementary school it should have been that picking on the slow kid was the most fun, because he couldn't defend himself. Well, if you want to win this internet battle of wits, you will want to pick for yourself a similarly impaired victim. Just as the mighty lion kills the weakest gazelle in the pack, you should pick on the dumbest, possibly retarded, person on the internet.

When the reply to your flame comes, don't be shocked, and never concede defeat. The internet is a battlefield where we must all fight for our lives and also for shits and giggles. Remember to make ridiculous assertions and accusations, regardless of any real knowledge of the person or situation at hand.

It is NEVER wrong to slander someone -- the internet is anonymous, how can they sue anonymous?

ALWAYS make wild assumptions.

DO create new and original insults to call people, but intermix them with old classics, like "fucktard," and "Stick-Licker."

USE CAPITAL LETTERS SO THAT THEY KNOW YOU'RE PISSED.

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