With a break from classes I have found a need to prioritize the various tasks that I am attempting to complete before returning home... Those tasks are as follows:

1) Drink Every beer that is offered for sale in Scotland. - I've had quite a few so far, and if you limit the task to beers that are served on tap in Scottish pubs I am real close now to finally kicking this tasks ass. Though, you might not want to ask me what some of those beers taste like, because... well, after a gallon, they all taste the same.

2) Buy a kilt and run up and down the high street with a plastic sword yelling "freedom" - The main issue with this plan is the cost of kilts these days. I might just have to buy a big tartan sheet and roll around in it or something.

3) Eat a curry and then demand a refund because it tastes like shit

4) Go into a Medieval building and write "James VI Wuz Here" on the wall," and then insist that I have discovered historical graffiti.

5) High five all of the Japanese tourists in Old Town so that they know that I am a "cool" American.

I saw a group of preschoolers the other day walking around the city with their teachers. They were all on leashes. I've seen baby leashes before, but this time I got an unmistakable mental image of a dog walker. The only thing missing was the poop scooper.

Its really only a matter of time before more pet products get made for human children. What I can't wait for though, is the Baby choke chain. When my dog used to act up, you'd give his choke chain a quick tug, and then he'd be calm as hell. It would work even better with a baby, but you might have to wait until nobody was looking.

I see it working this way: You're out somewhere, with the baby on the Baby Choke Chain™ and little Timmy is going nuts on a sugar-fueled rage. You're in a crowd of people and their getting pissed off at your bratty kid. So, here comes the chain to save the day. First, you distract the crowd, "Whoah, look at that really cool shiny object!" Then, with a quick tug, you end the tantrum. When the crowd looks back, you say, "Aw, look at little Timmy... he must have worn himself out and is taking a nap." In reality he either passed out, or if you are Hulk Hogan, you snapped his neck.

Good Bye bratty kids... Hello good parenting!

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Anyway, if any of you have a funny/interesting/awesome story about the college experience, you might want to check out the contest that is running over at CollegeStories.com. You could end up in their book, or win a bunch of prizes including cash money.

I wasn't paid to say that, but it wasn't entirely unprovoked, to answer your question. It IS a sweet contest however, and I am glad to give it my seal of approval.

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Click my links, which as always, are excellent. Seriously.

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