Originally uploaded by speedeep.

Exam time comes but once (or two to three times) a year, and because of this, many people find it to be one of the more difficult aspects of the university experience to get used to. Every year around December and May, you can walk through any quad and hear the echos of exam season:

"Fuck, I didn't even buy the book"

"So, eh, yeah, what exactly IS organic chemistry?"

"No Hablo Español! Yo soy mucho fucked"

Among others. Now, of course there is always the temptation to stay up all night and cram for your exams since you now feel guilt and remorse for slacking off all semester. I understand this, but its wrong. Minimal studying is all that is needed, make sure you know the basics, for example, in a Math course you might want to make sure you can add. In a literature course, make sure you can read.

Now that the preparation is over, I'll explain why you don't need to cram.

At this point, I will excuse all engineers from the article: you're all out of luck, but you knew that on the first day of freshman year, didn't you, you masochistic little bastards.

You see, College in general is a load of bullshit, and the honest truth is that bullshit is the currency of the academic world. Whoever produces the most bovine fertilizer, essentially gets crowned department chair. Thats how it works, and while most professors can spot a steaming pile of shit a mile away, they understand it, and accept it. If you stay up all night studying, in your tired state, you will leave yourself less able to bullshit, than if you were well rested.

Now that you know the basics, here are the rules of bullshitting:

1) Never let on that you are clueless.
2) If your professor calls you on it, always insist that you are right. Even if you said that Canada is in South America, you MUST insist that this is the gospel-fucking-truth. Professors respect this, as it is what they get paid for.
3) Never be too good to shamelessly flatter your professor -- don't be afraid to complement his tie, or her new hair-do in the middle of your answers, they will appreciate this.
4) Try and warp the question into something you know about. Don't know anything about Middle East politics, but you're a huge Gary Shandling fan? Well, Gary IS Jewish, isn't he... take it from there.

Remember, this is college, you're buying a piece of paper, not the Mona Lisa. You're allowed to cut a few corners.

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