Since I'll be flying off to Scotland tomorrow, I've decided to list the things about traveling that are most likely going to piss me off tomorrow:

1) The Line at Security: Does anyone else remember the good old days when Pasty-ass white boys like myself could set off a metal detector and still board their plane on time? What happened to racial profiling, huh? You know if we based airport security on profiling, it'd be cheaper and better than inconveniencing me.

2) Airline food: Do I look like I'm going to enjoy a nice slab of cardboard covered in liquid dung? The only redemption at mealtime is that I can insist on a kosher and/or vegetarian meal to make sure that there isn't one for the people who really need/want it. Screw you all!

3) Customs: Just stamp my damned passport already and get it over with. There's no need to play twenty questions. Also, I promise I don't have anything to declare, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't tell you about it. Seriously... volunteering to pay taxes... right. And what's with some countries not even stamping passports anymore? Canada's customs dude just waved me through, I wanted a fucking stamp, dude.

4) Flight delays: Actually, I don't mind these so much considering that its SOO MUCH FUN to hang out in an airport terminal, and those seats are so damned comfortable. Sometimes I just want to go to the airport with my friends to take in its awesome atmosphere. Yep. It smells like foreign people.

5) They make you rent Their headphones": Are you kidding me? You want me to pay extortion prices to rent your damned headphones so that I can watch yet another "blockbuster" starring Minnie Driver in some horribly over-dramatic role. Maybe they'll give me a choice of movies so I can watch Carrot Top's magnum opus, Chairman of the Board or a Pauly Shore/Bobcat Goldthwait tour de force.

6) Sitting next to fat people/people who smell/people who won't shut up/crying babies/etc: Seriously, if you aren't me, then chances are, I hate you. Don't make it any worse for yourself, I might change my mind and decide to do something about it, like eating your Kosher meal, changing your video screen to the Bobcat Goldthwait movie while you aren't looking or strangling you to death with your complimentary airline pillow. I like to keep my options open.

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I won't be able to post for sure until monday. Well, theoretically I could post this weekend, but that would break my drinking policy, we'll see. Anyway, I'll be back as soon as I can. If you're flying to London tomorrow night and you see an anti-social college student brooding in his window seat, then say hi and strike up a conversation about how much you love collegeblows.com.

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