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Things I Probably Haven't Annoyed You With...

Posted at 3:30 AM
By: Brian [link]
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The following are things that I don't say a lot about, but probably could:

AOL's Instant Messenger: I go to college, right? Who at college isn't on AIM more than 24 hours a day? Most freshmen around here start going into convulsions if their extraordinarily witty away message ("class sux... tee-hee, I'm a badass") isn't posted at all times. Its the primary means of communication, and immature high-school grade stalking.

Stalking: itself is a large part of the college culture that I usually leave untouched, but as we all know, there's no better way to pine over that chick in your political science class than to check her away message every five minutes as you sit staring at your computer screen pondering if the internet has any practical uses, other than finding porn pictures to paste your lady's head onto... Then again, AIM isn't all away messages and unrequited love, no sir, there is also the aspect of actually talking to people. If there wasn't instant messenger, people at colleges might actually have to do homework.

Porn: Since I mentioned it once already in here... how about porn as an underused topic on CollegeBlows.com. I mean, how often do I mention porn anyway? It can't be more than two-four times a week, and as long as I am in charge of this site (and since there's nobody else pining for my place, I will be for a while) it just won't be enough. I have a plan to make this site better, and that means more porn talk. Even if it does result in one too many disappointed customers who arrive here seeking "men in shower making the hasty porn." (Yeah, I look a lot straighter when people get here by searching for Arab Cock-loving Slut Whores, don't I?)

To add an addendum to my parenthetical (I guess that pocket thesaurus paid off - thanks grandma...), why does porn like to use repetitive adjectives like that. Why can't they just be "whores," why must they be "slut whores?" I mean, I don't think you can get any sluttier than a whore. Unless, maybe you go for the "cum-guzzling slut whore," in which case, good-luck mister-fancy-pants... How do you guzzle it anyway... Too many questions and not enough blog to sort them out. (email the answers to "Brian[at]Collegeblows.com" )

That brings me to this uncomfortable and somehow final segue:

My Family: I don't talk much about that crazy bunch of alcohol-guzzling slut mongers* (I just noticed that my spell-checker has an issue with the term alcohol-guzzling, but "cum-guzzling" was in the clear, computer programmers are horny as sin), but they sure can be entertaining, and perhaps occasionally worthy of an update here and there. This weekend, we all got together to celebrate my grandmother's birthday, in a casino -- there was gambling, underage drinking, and a group of obnoxious people heckling a highly rated show. In many ways, it was like I never left campus, except there were a lot more old people there.

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Also, this guy may very well be an asshole, in fact, he may be the world's biggest asshole, but he links to my site, so visit his and consider buying him a beer, or at least reading what he can get for your donation. The answer is slightly funnier than "wasted" (*the man in question may not even be an asshole at all).

* I have not at this point confirmed the slut mongering of any of my family members, nor do I want to. Additionally, so that I'm not demoted back to the kiddie-table, I should note that my family isn't completely alcoholic, we just need to medicate sometimes when we get together.

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