Who thought up the great idea of a week where every professor gives an exam, paper, or some sort of dealie that requires me to do more than grow my ass out to astronomical proportions due to massive television watching and cheese-doodle-eating? Worst of all, it is placed just one short week before our beloved spring break, a time when we are supposed to cirrhosize our livers with near-deadly volumes of alcohol, while laughing with impunity at our freedom.

But you need to get through hell week first. For me, this consists of long nights, staring at the covers of books I will never open and wondering, "what IS eschatology anyway?" Then I drink my NyQuil and go to bed, to have happy dreams about big boobies and blue giraffes. Then I wake up, write about 10 pages of notes on the palm of my hand and head off to the exam, where I finish in one quarter of the designated time, much to the dismay of my professor, who usually gives me a dirty look, as I lick my hand, and rub off the ink to conceal the evidence.

As for those papers, well, I have a little system for that, it goes as follows:

Type the topic into Google:


Choose a suitable result:


Copy:


Paste:

And VIOLA! You have yourself a paper on eschatology. In fact, you don't even have to know what it means, or learn what it means in the process, for that matter. Isn't it great!?!?

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