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Drunken December Continues

Posted at 2:29 AM
By: Brian [link]
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From: Anonymous
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 2003 22:36:16 -0800 (PST)
To: Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com
Subject: Drunken Story

Brian,

I have a drunnken story of my own, which isnt that great, but nonetheless, here you go. Last April, i was a freshman in the NROTC unit. My company and I had just finished the most rigorous training you could possible take here, and were going to celebrate with the staff. They asked, what do you want to drink tomorrow night. Four of the male members of the group, including myself, yelled out Yuengling almost simultaneously. We were set.

The next night, we went to the appts. There, we toasted our graduation with a shot of Wild Turkey, as is custom. It began. What started out as a fridge full w/ about 25 bottles of Yuengling was gone in like 10 mins. I had like 4, but thats ok, can handle more. They needed to go more booze, so they went and got a few cases of Coors Light. For the rest of the night, we drank, played beer pong, made idiots of ourselves. I had downed too many beers to count, along with the beers from beer pong. Then, the host's roomie was like, you like martini's, here you go. Had that, and more beers. Big mistake. I had started to loose it. We went outside to smoke the cigars we all got for graduating. It was a good time, i am actually surprised i can remember it this clearly. But anyway, i drank soooo much, and decided that it was time to go home, because mind you, this was Thursday night, and i had class in 6 hours. I started walking back with my friends, and I got half way there, then i blacked out.

The next thing i remember, i wake up in my bed, in my normal sleeping attire. But i was covered in something dry and nasty. Apparently that dream where i was puking all over myself and in my bed was not a dream. I had the largest hangover and decided that i was never going to make it to my 8:30 class, nor any others. I went back to bed, i didnt care that it was a mess. I woke up with a milder headache (6 advil would do that), and i began the arduous process of cleaning. After cleaning, i decided that, i missed not only all of my 5 classes, but my lab which is a 0 if its not excused. So i go to the Health Center, bullshit an excuse that i had a stomach bug, and got a note for the day.

Moral of the story, kids: Besides the usual "Beer before liquor, never been sicker," if you are dumb enough to get sloshed on a school night, be smart enough to get a note excusing yourself from the classes you missed because you had the biggest hangover of your life.

~Anonymous.

My Response:

Dear Anonymous:

Are you drunk right now? Your grammar is bad enough to give an (albeit very old) English professor a heart attack. I mean, seriously man, you don't need to worry about getting notes for your classes, you need to worry about learning to speak English -- its kind of our thing here in the states.

Seriously though, you had classes on a Friday? That goes against the CollegeBlows.com #1 rule of collegiate scheduling, which is:

Don't sign up for classes that you have no chance of ever making it to

You are going to miss any class you sign up for plenty regardless, but if you plan on squeaking by with your gentleman's (or ladies) C, you're going to not want to piss your professor off THAT much.

Well, maybe you do - there are some profs that I definitely wouldn't mind pissing off, let me tell you.

Anyway, CollegeBlows.com does not, in any way endorse your actions, and that is for the following reasons:

1) You knew the beer before liquor rhyme and you did it anyway
2) You got a note, that requires extraneous effort - effort is not condoned here
3) Your moral was directed towards "kids," and CollegeBlows doesn't condone playground alcoholics. Would you want to see your 5 year old cousin in a 12-step?
4) If your biggest hangover was cured by 6 Advil, then you obviously didn't drink enough.

In conclusion, I am better than you at everything.

Love,
Brian

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Send in your "Drunken December" emails to Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com and I will post them. Simple as that. As anonymous as you need to be.

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