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When You've Got Something Better to Do...

Posted at 2:34 AM
By: Brian [link]
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...You Update Your Blog Anyway




Ok, so it is Monday again, and I have a play to read for English, an article to write for the Villanova Times, and a load of other academic things to be doing. So naturally I am taking this time out to answer an email, from [someone who I am pretending is] an adoring fan.

From: mariam16402004@tiscali.co.uk
Date: Sat Oct 25, 2003 4:40:10 AM America/New_York
Subject: ALMIGHTY GOD REWARD YOU

ATTN:SIR

GREETING IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD ALMIGHTY. I AM MRS MARIAM KELVIN
,

NOW MRS MARIAM KELVIN, A WIDOW TO LATE SAMUEL KELVIN. I AM 41 YEARS OLD,
I
AM NOW A NEW CHRISTAIN CONVERT, SUFFERING FROM LONG TIME CANCER OF THE
BREAST, FROM ALL INDICATION MY CONDITIONS IS REALLY DETERIORATING AND
IT
IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I WONâ??T LIVE MORE THAN SIX MONTHS, ACCORDING
TO MY DOCTORS, THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANER STAGE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD

STAGE. MY LATE HUSBAND KILLED DURING THE U.S. RAID AGAINST TERRORISM IN

AFGHANISTAN, AND DURING THE PERIOD OF OUR MARRIAGE WE CULDâ??NT
PRODUCE ANY CHILD.

MY LATE HUSBAND WAS VERY WEALTHY AND AFTER HIS DEATH, I INHERITED ALL
HIS
BUSINESS AND WEALTH. THE DOCTORS HAS ADVISED ME THAT I MAY NOT LIVE FOR

MORE THAN SIX MONTHS, SO I NOW DECIDED TO DEVIDE THE PART OF THIS
WEALTH,
TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE HOUSE OF GOD IN AFRICA, AMERICA
ASIA,
AND EUROPE. I SELECTED YOU AFTER VISITING THE WEBSITE AND I PRAYED OVER

IT,. I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF $5,000.000.00 MD U.S DOLLARS,
TO
THE LESS
PRIVILEGED. PLEASE I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT FUND IS LYING IN A SECURITY
COMPANY AND UPON MY INSTRUCTION, MY ATTORNEY, WHO PRESENTLY IS IN
AFRICA
DISTRIBUTING RELIEF MATERIALS TO OF BOMBLAST IN SIERRA-LEONE, WILL FILE

IN AN APPLICATION FOR THE TRANSFER OF THE MONEY IN YOUR NAME.

LASTLY, I HONESTLY PRAY THAT THIS MONEY WHEN TRANSFERRED WILL BE SURE
FOR
THE SAID PURPOSE, BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT THAT WEALTH
ACQUISITION
WITHOUT GOD IS VANITY. MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD ALMIHTY THE LOVE OF
GOD
AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY I AWAIT YOUR URGENT

REPLY.

YOURS IN THE LORD.

MARIAM.KELVIN.

Hmm... yeah...

Dear Miriam,

I'm awfully sorry to dissapoint, but as you should have been able to tell from the content of this website, I am unable to join in your cause. You see, I worship the almighty Lord Satan... thats right... George Steinbrenner.

I am, albeit excited by your offer of "$5,000.000.00 MD U.S DOLLARS" -- who wouldn't be, I mean that extra decimal point (signifying the nano-cents, right?) really demonstrated that you are a serious philanthropist. Perhaps your lawyer would like to deliver this money in person, in cash? I could always use some more beer money.

If the offer no longer stands, due to the fact that I worship a different deity, then I would have to suggest a different, and more mutual cause for you to place the money in... English lessons, and computer lessons, for yourself, so that one day you will master the caps lock key, and perhaps be able to deliver your email-scams more efficiently.

Yours Truly,

Brian

---
You too can have your email answered by the mastermind behind CollegeBlows.com, just write something with two or more words, and send it to Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com. Give me something better to work with... for the love of God...

And why is my roommate watching a pirate movie? Do something else you worthless turd... (I mean that in the nicest way... don't hurt me, please.)

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