That's right folks, I tried to pull together something for ya'll this week, but I doubt I have surpassed the Al Gore. Sure, we all laughed when he claimed to invent the Internet; and it just got funnier when he ran for President with that Lieberman dude, but sadly, his attempts to get a sitcom have all failed -- even ABC turned him down and they gave the Olsen twins a sitcom... twice!

[Deleted - there was a really bad scatological Peanut Butter joke here - I mean REALLY bad]

I was watching HBO the other night, and I saw one of those raunchy documentaries that they have. As part of the show they interviewed this woman who styled herself as a "clinical sexologist." Since when does writing a column in Cosmo make you a scientist? Soon they are going to start giving Ph.Ds to the writing staff on "Sex and the City."

I have taken to a fun hobby of making fun of people on the Internet, often for their abhorrent spelling and grammar. Although this usually garners me much hatred and a plethora of insults, in the end it is always worth it. Anonymously harassing people on the Internet is its own reward.

After spending my 10 billionth hour on the Internet the other day, I came to the conclusion that computers are boring. Even porn is boring now. When I first started using the Internet I thought, "WOW! Look, I can find free porn!" Nowadays though, you don't need to go out in search of porn anymore; that was half the fun, the thrill of the hunt, the anticipation of naked boobies. Now I get "Free Asian Bukkake Sluts Who Love the Cock!" in my email daily.

The Internet was supposed to be this great information resource that would help students to get ahead, work quicker and more efficiently. Doesn't really work that way though - when was the last time you actually got something done quicker because of the Internet? Usually, for me it goes something like this:

1) Sit down to do some online research
2) Recieve an AIM message (from Lennon, usually)
3) Chat for a while
4) Decide to play a quick ten minute game of Warcraft
5) Six hours later I'll realize that I am too tired to do research
6) Go to bed.

One of the most entertaining things you can do when you are bored late at night is to fuck with the people who work the drive through windows at fast food restaurants. In particular, I like to request items that aren't on the menu. "Yes, I'd like a Big Mac, a large fries, and a breast-milk shake please." My friend once asked them for a "McSemen Shaker" they gave him ice cream -- vanilla.

The other night I was at the local Wawa, which for those of you from outside the PA/NJ area, its like a 7-11. It was about 3:45 in the morning, and with the exception of the newspaper delivery guy, we were the only customers. I decided to get a sub, which they call a "hoagie" - nobody should ever use the term hoagie -- ever, it sounds awful, besides, wasn't that the name of David Hasselhoff's son on Baywatch?

Anyway, the "hoagie wench" was being a real bitch that night. She took forever to make them, and she was acting like she had such a tough life. Putting deli-meats and condiments on bread is such a damned hard job... If only she could be the President and finally get a chance to relax...

That's all I've got. Don't be surprised if I decide to edit this later to make your criticisms in the comments look stupid.

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