- Superman’s weakness is Kryptonite, Daredevil is blind, we all have our weakness, superhero or not; my weakness is chewy chocolate chip cookies. They don’t even taste that good, but damned it I can resist those chewy spheres of cookie-goodness.

- The problem with Superheroes is that they never have normal problems. Take Superman for example, his biggest problem is some bald guy named Lex who’s got a big-assed green rock. Whoop-de-doo.

- I want to see Superheroes who have the same everyday weaknesses that we do. How about instead of Batman fighting the Joker, he instead battles with nicotine addiction. He’d be fighting some bad guy to protect Gotham City, then right in the middle, he’d have to take a cigarette break – so he’d have to go outside, because god-forbid he light up indoors anymore. The criminal would get away and so Batman would have to chase him down, but you know, he’s a heavy smoker, he’s up to about 6 packs a day, so you know he’s gonna get pretty winded. He’ll be weezing and coughing, and the bad guy will get away with that old woman’s purse, causing Robin to suggest that Batman go on the patch…

- Spiderman has got to be the most realistic superhero of them all though. He’s got a shitty job that can’t possibly pay well, and even with all of his super powers he still has trouble getting laid. Now that’s the kind of superhero I can relate to.

- Talking about heroes… the guys who come up with the concepts for all those music videos on MTV are definitely superheroes. The other night I was watching this music video where, right in the middle of the song, the chick singing it is suddenly drenched in water. Video killed the radio star, and he got off scot-free…

- While watching that video I managed to channel enough blood back to my head to develop the following theory: The degree of Hotness of a girl is magnified in direct proportion to the amount of water on her, or the “moisture index” as I like to call it. Hence the draw behind wet t-shirt contests…

- I want to be one of those people that get paid to stay in Frat-boy mode after college. You know, like Howard Stern. The only problem with Howard Stern is that the older he gets, the creepier he seems. Its one thing for a horny 19 year old to be obsessed with seeing two chicks hook up, but when the guy is in his 50’s he qualifies for creepy-old-man status: this allows him to join the ranks of Geraldo Rivera and Dr. Phil.

Random Filler:

- Why do people in the suburbs always wave at you? Why do I always feel compelled to wave back? I don’t like those people. They probably don’t like me either. So why does being in the suburbs make us act like we are old buddies? The next time someone I don’t like waves at me, I am going to respond with an old-school one-fingered wave.

- I hate people that don’t acknowledge you when you do something nice for them while driving. For example, when you let some idiot who got in the wrong lane at a toll get in front of you, or when you let some bitchy soccer-mom make a left turn, you should get some sort of acknowledgment for these acts. Even the standard half-assed, “not-even-gonna-move-my-hand” wave would suffice. Its like these people no longer have road-rage, they have developed a sense of road-entitlement.

- Why do fair-skinned people feel compelled to go to the beach in the summer? You know you’re just going to turn a nice bright and horribly uncomfortable shade of red. Its like we all feel left out; everyone else who tans normally goes to the beach, us near-albinos just want to feel like we belong.

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