There is apparently an animated Kama Sutra somewhere in the vastness of the internet. A whole site, dedicated to animated pictures of people performing some of the most uncomfortable and unnecessary sexual positions on the face of the earth. I mean, who wants to have sex while they have one leg behind their head, and their partner's toe in their ear? It hardly makes any sense to me.

I mean, what the world needs are some practical sexual positions, so I figure, hell, why don't I suggest some?

#1 - The Exhausted Husband: In this position, the man lays flat on his back, almost lifelessly, with a can of Budweiser in his right hand, and his left hand is busy scratching his own ass. The woman is on top, and she may or may not smell like clorox.

#2 - The Drunken Sailor: This position begins with the man approaching the woman with a healthy swaying motion. He then begins to unzip his pants, but fails to remove them completely. He will make love swiftly, and then pass out gingerly on top of his companion, who will forever be haunted by horrible memories whenever she smells the pungent aroma of Jack Daniels.

#3 - The Prime Time: So, its Sunday night, and you really want to watch the Simpsons, but your partner wants to get some action, so you do your duty with your head craned to the side to ensure a clear view of the TV. Good news guys, instead of having to try hard to think of baseball, you can just watch it on TV!

-- More to Come... Perhaps --

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*My Roommate has never actually been proven to be a porn fiend, and his habits in this area remain unknown.

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