OK, so once again CollegeBlows.com has to blow the academic whistle on colleges everywhere. In an "Institution of Higher Learning," one would imagine that they might find a veritable plethora of intelligent people, this however, is not the case. While there are numerous incidences that I can relate to you to convey this fact, and its horrible effects, I have chosen to concentrate on one, very specific instance of Collegiate Retardity.

We have all, at some point, played the game known as "Pac Man," or its hairy-pitted, short-haired, lesbian feminist cousin, Ms. Pac Man. Last night, it was relayed to me that a certain college student had claimed that he "sucked at Pac Man." Now, if you don't immediately see the problem with that statement, then perhaps you should evaluate your own situation.

Pac Man was a game that was developed to provide something for people who couldn't handle the difficulty of Pong, and Asteroids. The initial game concept was developed so that even your average special ed student could manage to play. It isn't a complex game - you guide a half-eaten pie through a maze and try not to touch the ghosts, who move in predictable ways around the same maze. It doesn't require brain power of any sort to achieve success.

In fact, the Philadelphia Zoo did a study on this. They gave their monkeys some video games, one of which was Pac Man. And after scratching themselves and throwing feces at the priceless classic console that they were provided with, they managed to all beat the game. The point here is: if you "suck" at Pac Man, then you are dumber than a monkey.

Updated: I later confirmed my theory when I discovered that the human subject thought that the appropriate way to play Pac Man was to throw feces at it. Hence why he always lost.

[Lennon]: alright, masshole's blocked again
[Lennon]: to think I put off doing my homework to argue with him over AIM
[Brian]: if i remember correctly, you'd put off homework to scratch your nuts silently in the corner
[Brian]: it doesn't take much to distract you
[Lennon]: yeah
[Lennon]: well at least nut-scratching feels good

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