Dear Mr. King,

I know you were shot by an angry caucasian many moons ago, but you seemed like a cool guy. I mean you had that really cool speech about your crazy-assed dream that everyone seemed to enjoy, that was pretty cool. Plus, you weren't afraid to take a really long walk. You were just like Malcolm X, except you didn't hate whitey (by the way, thanks man, we appreciate it).

You were the first man to ever make his family proud by going to jail. You were the only prisoner who didn't have to trade cigarettes for your anal virginity, and that is itself worthy of a National Holiday.

The most meaningful impact that your life has had upon me, however, is that wonderful three-day weekend with which you have provided me. Just when I thought that two days was enough to get drunk and stupid, your untimely passing, and message of tolerance provided me with one more. So thank you Rev. King, you are a hero to me.

Love,
Brian

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