Today, while having coffee with my favorite professor, I decided to change the way I am living my life. I need to get serious about academics, its the fate of my potent mind that is at stake, and I have to nourish it by reading, re-reading, then discussing the homoerotic prose of Plato's Apology. It is only through serious, ground-breaking academic work like this that humanity can excel as a species.

I mean, how can drinking alcohol really accomplish anything? From now on I am going to get my high from textbooks -- and I don't mean by using their pages to roll my doobies (that didn't really work to well, anyway), I mean by reading them! Such a wealth of knowledge is available at my very fingertips! Woe is me for not having realized the value of a good education before this.

This weekend, instead of going out, me and my new "academic" friends are going to get together and stay up way late in the library getting caught up on all of the work for our classes. I don't know about you, but I've got a lot of catching up to do. Professor Steve tells me that I might even get ahead of my class in the readings by next week! That'll give me extra free time to do some pleasure reading... I'm thinking about picking up that book on super-string theory, or maybe one of Stephen Hawking's masterpieces...

All of you slackers who are visiting this site better shape up too. Remember, college isn't about drinking and partying you fools, its about non-stop laborious academic work. So, read your text books, do your lab reports, work on that calculus assignment, and be a real student from now on! I demand it! Forget about silly things, like wild parties, drinking until you puke, movies, TV, entertainment of any sort (unless its an assignment), and do your work!

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