Withdrawing from Classes:

Film Analysis, reportedly an "easy A," it takes a true slacker to get less than a C in a class like this one. The first way to get the fuck-up ball rolling is to not watch any of the movies assigned. Thats right, in the one class this school offers where the professor would actually prefer you to watch a movie to reading a book, it is indeed possible to find this to be far too much of a stretch for yourself.

The second key point to failure is to only occasionally show up to class, and even then, always roll in 10-30 minutes late. There's no sense in rushing here, folks, the room is usually dark during class... the professor will never notice you walking in. The darkness also has the added effect of allowing you to take a hearty nap. I mean, its like you never left bed, except now, you get counted in the attendance, so when you tell your parents how conscientious you are, you will be on the path to not talking out of your beer-inflated ass.

Furthermore, you might want to consider getting a 9 or so on your midterm. Just so that you can solidify the goodness of your impending failure.

This is why we move along to the withdrawal. You see, because there is still a bunch of weeks left in the semester, and who the fuck wants to go to a class they are failing for a month and a half? Withdrawal is fun and easy, but first you need to figure out how you are going to explain this action to your advisor/dean, your friends, and your parents.

Lets start with your friends, this will be easy, because unless your friends actually give a shit about your life (and this is college, we are all shallow, and they don't), they will accept any bullshit excuse you can come up with. So we'll tell them that you are too tired to wake up in the morning, and besides, the professor has a really weird accent and for some reason smells like asparagus.

As for your advisor/dean, well here you actually have to come up with a valid excuse. So say something about having a heavy course load, and say you have some sort of fucked up genetic disease that is slowly killing you to add a little extra "street-cred" to your plea. If you want to go for the coup-de-grace, then feel free to explain how your grandmother died when your house caught on fire because your dad was smoking because he was worried about losing his job and forgot to stamp out his cigarette because he was too busy crying about your genetic disease. Or something. Also, try not to use that one if you go to Villanova, because, eh, I heard that somebody might already be using it.

Finally, you have to explain this one to your parents. Here is where you are fucked. So your best bet is to not tell them. If your parents are the psychotic controlling type, however, you have to tell them something. In this case, blame it on the professor, and use that course load one too. Also, tell them that you were overloading anyway... chances are that they won't remember that 6 credits isn't an average semester course load.

Voila, and now you are ready for the big time!

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I am the man. I am going to have four-day weekends in the fall, every week. God I am fucking awesome. Click my fucking "Extra-Good" links, or just tell a friend.

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