No, sir, I am not interested in your webcam. All of the crazy fun you are having with your college girlfriends is surely intriguing, but once again, it remains a pass. All I am asking is that, for the love of God, Buddha, Zoroaster, or whoever you worship, please stop sending me your damned instant message advertisements.

I understand your purpose, it makes a ton of sense. A ton of Teenage boys use AOL Instant Messenger, and about 100% of them are looking for porn. You just want us all to "box the bishop," "flog the dolphin," or perhaps "elect the president," but didn't you think for a moment? How is the youth of America supposed to rub one out when they keep getting interrupted by your instant messages?

Especially those younger fellows who still live at home, or perhaps the college aged ones who have a roommate. The window of opportunity for a little digital love is, as the Spaniards say, pequeño -- and you fools are ruining it for us.

I mean, lets be honest, for a lot of guys, those 30-50 seconds of feverish phallic friction are about all the action they will be seeing. This is especially true for ugly guys, or those of us who in our own sense of humor tend to offend the lady-folk in droves. Every time you ask them to bake you a pie, you're probably going to end up baking your own breadstick.

So please stop sending me these instant messages. I know you have a purpose to accomplish it, but I really think you are overdoing it. Its a problem that will inevitably take care of itself.

---
If you send an email to Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com and I will probably post it right here. If thats too much work for you, then please at least click on my "extra good links."

#|