Research is the Devil

Have you ever seen something that just seemed entirely out of place, and you were forced to wonder, "how the hell did that get there?" Well, today I saw a diaper lying around on the ground in the middle of campus. Now, I don't know if it was dirty or clean or what its story was, I really didn't get in close enough to tell; but I was forced to wonder, how does a diaper end up in the middle of a college campus. Now sure there is the possibility that someone, possibly an employee of the University or someone's relative, brought their kid with them, and performed a diaper change... Reasonable enough, but this still doesn't explain, (not even close) how the diaper got outside, on the ground, in front of Dougherty hall.

I have determined that there is only one logical explanation for this phenomenon...

...Aliens. Thats right, aliens who have (obviously) no concern for our planet's environment left the diaper there to prevent students from accomplishing any academic tasks - instead forcing us to ponder the diaper situation. As a result of this, the American student's will attain a lesser degree of knowledge and our planet's intellectual capital will decrease as a whole, allowing those damn dirty Martians to come in and enslave the planet.
The Moral:The next time you see a diaper or some other extremely out-of-place object... just step over it, ignore it, and move on... and when you get home, don't forget to put on your tin-foil hat.

Now, when I saw this mysterious alien diaper, I was on my way to the library to do some research for one of two research papers I had been assigned. The worst part about doing research is finding "relevant texts." The pursuit of these beasts is in fact so mind-bogglingly boring/tedious/whichever, that although I only spent a grand total of 1 hour in the library, I called it quits, and gave up on finding books to use as sources. Why? Because, unlike internet-based sources, finding mention of your topic in a book cannot be accomplished through a Google search, this means that one must either read/skim through the book, or cross his fingers and hope it'll all work out.

As early as Monday, I had glorious ideas of what this weekend might hold, perhaps a drunken stupor to end all drunken stupors, or something of the sort. However, now, as the week comes to a close, it has become evident that I will surely be hunched over this very keyboard for most of the weekend, desperately trying to churn out two impossible research projects (including a powerpoint presentation!).

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