CollegeBlows.com:Enemy of the Academic: Measuring Your Penis with Beer

Enemy of the Academic

[Make a New Post]

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Measuring Your Penis with Beer

Posted at 12:54 AM
By: Brian [link]
Email This Post

What defines a "chick drink"? Can you neccessarily assume that anything drunk by a female is one of these most despised of intoxicators (for guys, anyway)? Beer is usually considered "manly" but some girls like the beer -- at least in College, it is the most plentiful of the alcoholic beverages.

Of course there are a number of systems of determining the gender of your alcohol. Some are simple, others complex. Here, I will try to provide some ground rules:

1) If its fruity, its a chick drink
2) If its cheap and awful, its NOT a chick drink
3) If it loses the taste of alcohol due to mixing, you better have a vagina.
4) If it is unnecessary to dilute it, but none-the-less is diluted (*ehem*SoCo and Coke... Lennon...)
5) If it tastes sweet, and isn't being drunk with some coffee after dinner, its designed for the be-breasted.
6) Finally, if chicks like to drink it, but dudes don't... well, I think you get it.

Now of course, some people have been known to take this division to ridiculous lengths. Proclaiming certain brands of beer to be girlier than others. After a long debate with a friend over the gender of Rolling Rock, we resolved the problem with the following guideline, that can be applied universally:

[Lennon]: a kid from my hall settled the arguement
[Brian]: oh?
[Lennon]: "Dude, it's college. You're only in it to get drunk anyway so it's just fucking beer."
[Brian]: nice

In other words, if you want to get shitfaced, then grab whatever you can afford, and get shit faced.

---

Grr, if you read this earlier, I fucked up number 2 - its now fixed. If you haven't seen this yet, then pretend you aren't reading these two sentences.