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RELAUNCH?

Posted at 3:51 AM
By: Brian [link]
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I'm still deciding if CollegeBlows is dead or alive. If posts magically start appearing in a few weeks, then its not dead. Otherwise, read the archives, because that's all you'll get.

Comment on whether you want more or not.

Want an Update???

Posted at 2:43 AM
By: Brian [link]
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It's been a while, you want an update and I haven't been providing them. I've been busy, and midterms are upon us over here. So I'll make you a deal, EMAIL ME your bright ideas, thoughts, whatever, and I will make an update out of it. I PROMISE.

Send it to me at Brian[at]CollegeBlows.com, and the next thing you know, WHAM! Update.

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One per customer is guaranteed, more if I REALLY like your emails or nobody sends me anything, as I suspect will be the case.

Walter Matthau

Posted at 1:02 AM
By: Brian [link]
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I've gotten to the point where I should probably be thinking about what I'm going to do after I graduate. The problem is, I don't think I can really stand to contemplate my future any further than the age-old question, "should I start with beer or liquor tonight?" An important question for sure, it might not be life changing, but a mis-execution could ruin an entire weekend and result in numerous "party fouls."

Nonetheless, people I know are acting strange about the whole "career" thing, visiting professors, going to resume-review sessions and mock interviews. Like little ants rushing off to find a giant crumb to carry back to their hole. "MMMmmm, delicious crumb..." they would say, but would they mean it? The crumb would be dry, and hardly satisfying -- they would cry tiny ant-tears before going back to digging at the request of their queen (women can be a bitch about getting work done around the house).

I just want to be the kid with the giant magnifying glass, taking a few minutes to focus a powerful beam of light down upon the puny little fuckers just to watch them die horrible deaths. "Oh you want to be a news anchor?" I would say to them, "Its a shame you're too ugly to be on the air."

"An accountant, sounds great, perks must be great, I hear that the visor and adding machine are provided for you these days."

"Writer! Awesome. Hey, weren't you in my freshman English class?"
"Yes," they would reply.
"You wrote that story about the teenager coming of age, right?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Too bad that sucked. Oh well, good luck being a hobo."

All the while, I'm heading toward an amazing career in couch-sitting myself. Oh well, at least I feel better.

I think I'll start with some Jack Daniels.

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As always, please click on some of my links before you get out of here. Sorry about the spotty updates, but my car is non-existent, among other problems, so, deal with it. If you're reading this, I probably know you anyway.

Welcome Back to School

Posted at 1:04 AM
By: Brian [link]
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Fall begins now. For everyone, even those one-time Tulane students. Everyone is back in school at this point. Freshmen are going to classes, and kickstarting the long process that will eventually lead to complete liver shutdown. Seniors are busy wishing they were freshmen, and settling for trolling their elective classes for hot freshmen.

So here it is, the three-pronged advice for College Seniors who wish they were freshmen:

1) Bars are open every night, not just the weekend. You won't be able to do this once you're working 9-5, so get fucked up as often as possible.

2) Freshmen chicks might be young, but they're almost always 18 -- and that can't get you arrested. Anything that can't get you arrested isn't optional, its a necessity.

3) Change your major. Who cares that you're three courses away from getting your degree in East Asian Hip Hop Sociology. If you become an Engineer, you get three or four more glorious years of waking up and not being quite sure where you are, or what her name was.

That's pretty much it. Enjoy Folks.

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As always, please click on some of my links before you get out of here.

Fuck it

Posted at 1:49 AM
By: Brian [link]
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After three years of doing this blog, maybe its time to quit. Leave me a comment: Why should I keep going? If I stop, what should become of CollegeBlows.com (should I sell it to a porn site)?

If you all clap hard enough, maybe I'll be back after Labor Day.